Dr Judith Guedalia

Israel's Supreme Court has recently come down with a ruling on a case where a mother punished' her child by hitting him with a vacuum cleaner. The Court also mandated that all corporeal punishment meted out by a parent to a child be considered abuse, and dealt with by the police and courts accordingly.

Our views and experience at the Clinic would certainly argue for parents and teachers to be made aware that abuse is not condoned. But can a court of law, even the highest in the country have an influence in this area.

The first step we feel is that society be made aware of the problem. How might we gain a direction on this topic from the Torah?

Egla Arufa seemed to be the Torah's way teaching us the importance of community action and the dire consequences when we just take care of our own.

The child sitting in front of me had arrived with a bruised eye, he was accompanied by his mother. When I saw him the preceding week, his eye was not swollen. I asked: "What happened?" My question caused him to be agitated and uncomfortable. I waited.

The mother spoke, and said: "this is what happens to a child who moves while he is being punished"; "With what do you punish him, usually? She answered: " With a belt-her tone of voice was as if everyone uses a belt to punish a child- but this time", she said, "he moved and thus he was hit in the face instead of in the arm.

A child was brought to the Clinic because of serious deterioration of his abilities at Heder,  especially in reading. During the previous school year he had been among the better students, and all of a sudden he cries a lot when home, does not prepare homework and is failing in his studies. The neuropsychological examination did not indicate any learning disabilities.

In a conversation with the parents they revealed that the first signs of disturbance coincided with the visits a neighbor had begun paying at their home. This neighbor, they said enjoyed the children, they trusted his judgment implicitly and sometimes he also helped them out by babysitting.

Based on previous experience with children who show a sudden and drastic change in behavior without any 'neurological' or other medical signs, we recommended that the child be examined both by a social worker and a physician who have experience with 'special cases' such as this one. He was found to have been molested.

A young child, seeing that his parents have 'entrusted' him to a man such as this, who hurt him, did not have the capacity to doubt that they felt this behavior was acceptable, and felt he could not go to them to complain.

The neighbor was interrogated by the police and was found to have committed this form of aggression on other children in the neighborhood, whose parents were not as attuned to changes in their behavior or distress.

The mother arrived with her arm in a cast when the child, who was referred for behavioral problems (especially toward his younger siblings) left the room, I asked her how she broke her arm. She started to cry, but said she had fallen.

In the course of the visit, the child's drawings made me suspicious of verbal or possible even physical abuse in the family. The little boy's pictures were full of people with large mouths and especially noses with huge nostrils. The words "Charon Af" ( which literally means ___ nose, but is translated as: wrath) kept coming back to me. These drawings gave the words new meaning.  Generally the parent is not in the room during the assessment. However, on this occasion I somehow intuitively felt that she should remain and see him at play in this therapeutic environment. Through play the child acted out the problems in his family. As the hour progressed the mother was drawn out by his actions. She understood his 'games' to be what they were 'a cry for help'. She told of her husbands' abuse, which in this case culminated with him pushing her down so that she broke her arm. "He is a good man, and always is so sorry after 'it' happens."

Shlomo Hamelech in 'Kohelet" wrote " nothing is new under the sun.." Motives and behavior have remained unchanged in time. The modern world might be a more sophisticated on (microwaves, cell phones and the like) but humans have remained the same ever since GD created man.

I perceive the skills I have learned as being instruments of changing behavior, not a tool for judging people. By pointing out certain behavior patterns that are ineffective at best, and damaging to the child or family at worst, we try to effect change.

The people described above, are members of their communities. Their children go to school and may be sitting next to yours, or your cousins. The mother with the broken arm, is someone's daughter, sister, and neighbor. Maybe you saw her at the market crying as she shopped, and ignored her-for her sake of course. At any time, we may be witnesses to situations that we know are not healthy and are damaging. It is our duty as members of the community, parents, educators and professionals to pay attention to any sign of pain and distress coming from those around us. The importance of social responsibility is reiterated with many examples in the Torah.

In Parshat Dvarim, it is told about the Egla Arufa. In an open field, between houses a dead body was found. As long as the perpetrator of the murder remained unknown the dead person's body was seen as 'corrupting the earth'. The elders of community closest to the scene of the crime were approached and told they were held responsible for the death.

Two concepts may be inferred from this story. The first pointing at the community's responsibly towards an individual-especially one that is alone, unprotected by the fact of being a 'stranger'.

The second point might be that individuals, even a stranger, have an enormous capacity to influence the community -in this case to effect change. The dead man's blood has the ability to 'influence' the earth, which is common property, and corrupt it, even though 'only' an individual was responsible for his death.

The Gemara explains that the community's elders are not held Responsible for murdering the man, rather for not helping him. They had not given him food when he had needed it, nor had they provided him with an escort to make sure that he reached his destination in safety.

We read an exhortation to be willing to 'know' instead of pretending to be 'blind'. Not to behave as an ostrich this buries its head so as not to see. It is interesting that the law of Egla Arufa requires that the heifer's blood be absorbed in the earth. Possibly, just as the body 's blood impairs the field so to the 'exchange' of blood, this time under the control of the community expunges the responsibility. One might say that the community that did not serve the needs of this unprotected individual, Gd's creation, was prohibited from having Gd's earth, on which the dead body lies, provide for it-the land becomes barren until the rite of Egla Arufa is practiced. Mida Keneged Midah (a deed for a deed), the community was not generous with its food for the wayfarer, becomes uninhabitable because food is unable to grow in its environs.

The subject of the Egla Arufa is treated lengthily in Gemara Sotah, a Gemara that is mainly concerned with 'Shalom Bayit', domestic harmony. The neighbors of the families mentioned above, must have undoubtedly have heard the sounds of discord, cries of pain; teachers and rabbis must have seen the bruises the inflammations. Should they not have remarked and been attentive to the deterioration class work and participation? Should not they have been more 'available' for those parents and children in distress, those who suffered in silence and those whose behavior screamed for help.

In the Navi Shoftim, we read about the town of Luz. It is said one asked to be shown the way to the town of Luz and promised he would be repaid by Gd with an act of graciousness. An inhabitant of the place 'indicated' to the 'with a sign' how to reach the destination. For this seemingly inconsequential, tangential behavior, he was repaid by Gd for generations to come, and the town of Luz was blessed.

The Techailet of the Tzizit comes from Luz. The people of Luz were immortal. When Nebuchadnezzar descended upon Israel, he was unable to capture Luz. All thanks to the act of having 'had shown the way'.

Interestingly, the story of Luz is also referred to in Masechet Sotah in connection with Egla Arufa. possibly, another example of how important it is to give help, important even when the help only consists of 'a sign'.

As Pessach is approaching and the yearly frenzy to clean house is upon us, can we not be involved in purging our larger ‘house', our community of abuse?  We ‘clean' so well that we have to ‘hide' Chamez so that we can find it the night before Erev Pessach. Can we be less observant of the 'signs' our friends and neighbors show us that might point to their 'chametz', their problems. Are we not responsible to help, even if our ability lies only in 'pointing' them in the direction of professionals? Egla Arufa tells us that Gd holds us responsible for our communities' very existence. May we merit His blessings.

Tags: A Sign | Changing Behavior | Egla Arufa | Social Responsibility