Dr Judith Guedalia

Recently the Israeli press reported a complex capture of an infamous young man named Ben-Ivgi, involving Argentine and Israeli police, Interpol, and the assistance of the local Jewish community.  About five months ago, while on weekend leave from prison, he had escaped from Israel.

In September 1994 when two fourteen year old boys, Ben-Ivgi and Aloni, were arrested for murder we were all shocked.  As more and information became known about the case, Israeli society (all of it!) became revolted and then frightened.  These two young classmates, from ‘good families' (read wealthy and professional) decided to kill someone for a ‘thrill'.  They had well planned this horrible crime, and had gun in hand, when poor unsuspecting Derek Roth, picked them up in his taxi, they shot and murdered him.

What had gone wrong?  Their parents were ‘professionals', they lived in Herzliya and had ‘everything' going for them.  Yes, one seemed weaker, maybe even ‘motherless' as his mother had left the family to live with someone else, but divorce is not so unusual.  Everyone kept murmuring ‘...they are only children'.   They were sentenced to prison; their names were not publicized until four years later.  During their week-end furlough from jail, they committed an armed robbery!  Their lawyers said: "... they are only children", but the court held otherwise and all at once their names and ‘privacy' was no longer ‘protected'.  

Their case reminded me of another that seemed too similar to ignore. In that one, two 19 year old American Jews, one ‘motherless' and the other sadistic and manipulative kidnapped and murdered a 14 year old boy (also Jewish).   They did this for the ‘thrill' of committing the ‘perfect crime'.  This case took place well before I was born, but as I was always interested in human behavior I had delved into it.    

On May 21, 1924, Nathan Leopold, Jr. and Richard Loeb, (who were later infamously known as Leopold and Loeb) murdered 14 year old Bobby Franks (also Jewish).  Similar to Ben-Ivgi and Aloni, they believed themselves to be so clever, respectable, and talented that they could commit and profit from a kidnapping and murder without fear of punishment. The body was found and along side it glasses belonging to Leopold, they were quickly arrested and fully implicated one another.

Their lawyer was the famous, Clarence Darrow, who was hired to defend the boys against the capital charges of murder and kidnap. They were expected to plead not guilty by reason of insanity; Darrow surprised everyone by having them both plead guilty. In this way, he avoided a jury trial which, due to the strong public sentiment, would certainly have resulted in a pair of hangings. Instead, he was able to argue before a single judge, pleading for the lives of his clients.  Darrow gave a two-hour speech which has justifiably been called the finest of his career.  In the end, the judge sentenced Leopold and Loeb to life in prison for the murder and 99 years for the kidnapping, Loeb died in a prison fight and Leopold was released on parole in 1958, after 33 years in prison.  He died of a heart attack at age 66 in 1971.

What can we learn from our own sources about child punishment?  According to the Torah, do we believe in the death sentence for children/young adults?  In the Torah we read about the Ben Sorer U'Moreh (Devarim, 21;18), the incorrigible and intransigent child.  He is over Bar Mitzvah and yet not yet ‘a man', his parents bring him to the Elders when they feel they cannot ‘handle him', he is ‘out of control, eating and drinking in a grotesque manner'.  Rashi suggests that his parents may have been ‘the soldier' and the ‘beautiful woman' whom he vanquished and then married (Devarim, 21:10).  She is a woman without her ‘own' voice -the Gemara notes that she and her husband speak in the same voice, not only in words but in the same timbre, when she is at the Elders. Their child, for whom they cannot place limits, then goes through a process of being warned, if he continues in his bad ways, he is punished by death.  According to the commentaries he is killed for what he will do in the future and not necessarily what he has done in the past and present.

I am in no way suggesting that this is what we should do when our children do not listen to us and are not ‘controllable'.  But what we may learn from the Torah and these extreme cases is the middle road.  Firstly, when parents feel that their child is out-of-control, they should go ask for help from others (people more experienced than themselves: Elders, professionals).  But interestingly we also learn that a mother needs to be ‘heard' and her presence and humanity expressed in the bringing-up and chastisement of her children, especially her sons (Rambam specifically notes that Ben Sorer U'Moreh doesn't apply to girls).  We see that ‘wait until Tate/Daddy/Abba comes home' is not the way.  We get a glimpse of this understanding of the educational imperative in using the mother/female tone from the Haggada as well. The father is enjoined to speak to the youngest of his Four Sons, ‘in the tone of the mother' (Ve-At Pessach-Low, and you (feminine case grammar) should tell him). 

I didn't realize how I tried to use this model when bringing up my own children.  Intuitively, I always told them that in their lifetime they could have any number of psychologists and professionals, but they would only have one ‘loosing-it' Mother!! 

The commentators say there has never been a case of Ben Sorer U'Moreh.  May there never be one.

Tags: Mother | Punishment